Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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