I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
