is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
