Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
