Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
