i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
