the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I understand Curling. That high.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
