I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
