btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
