I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
