Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Randomize
