I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
3pm strippers are depressing
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
