ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Randomize
