the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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