pop tarts are not kleenex
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
