I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
