Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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