This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
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