is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
