"it" just moved
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
