with your own penis?
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
