The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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