I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
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