You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
did i just pee glitter
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
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