you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
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