i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Randomize
