Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
