a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
