I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
