I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
