I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
