My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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