The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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