Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Randomize
