I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
