went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
