His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
