my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Randomize
