just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
