haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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