It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
