Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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