my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
