I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
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