Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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