This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
