the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Dicks are not precious.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
