I'd wear matching sweaters with you
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
