i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
