I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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