it was like his penis was on wheels.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
