so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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