Is it normal to miss your booty call?
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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