You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
