I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I am spending my child support on dildos
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
